Children & Grief

Helping Children with Grief

The loss of a loved one can be confusing for a child, but it’s also a natural part of life. Experts agree that children, even very young ones, should not be shielded from the reality of losing someone who dies. Children have the ability to sense when something serious has happened, and they often need reassurance and honest answers from the adults they trust.

The best approach is to speak simply, truthfully, and in ways that match the child’s age and understanding. Ask gentle questions to find out what the child already knows, and build from there. You might say, “Grandma’s heart became very tired and stopped working, and that is why she died.”

Avoid phrases that may confuse or frighten children, such as “Grandma went to sleep” or “God took Grandma to be with the angels.” While meant to comfort, these can sometimes lead to fear; for example, a child may worry about going to sleep or fear that others they love might suddenly be taken away.



Encourage questions, but don’t pressure them to talk. A younger child might ask, “Where is Grandma now?” or “Is my kitty in heaven?” Older children may ask deeper questions about faith or the meaning of life. For any age, respond with simple, honest answers and reassure them that their feelings, sadness, confusion, or even anger, are all okay.

How do you explain the death of a loved one to a child?

Every child’s understanding of death changes as they grow. The following insights can help guide your conversations and expectations.

Ages 2 to 7

At this age, children usually see death as a temporary separation. They may feel scared, lonely, or worried that others might leave too. Common signs of grief may include not wanting to sleep alone, refusing to go to school, or needing extra closeness and seeking reassurance.

Because young children often struggle to express feelings through words, they might “act out” their grief through tantrums, sudden changes in behavior, or creating imaginary stories to make sense of what happened. Some may have trouble eating, sleeping, or using the bathroom, or may become more irritable in general.



Gentle reassurance, predictable routines, and honest, but simple, explanations help children in this age group feel secure.

Ages 7 to 12

By this age, children begin to understand that death is permanent. They might see it as a personal threat and worry about their own safety or the safety of loved ones. Some children try to “protect” themselves by being extra brave or well-behaved, while others might withdraw emotionally or seek constant closeness with adults they trust.



They may also have difficulty concentrating in school or completing daily tasks. Encourage them to express what they feel and remind them that it’s okay to be sad or to miss the person who has passed away. Let them know that grief takes time and that you are there whenever they’re ready to talk.

Teens

Teenagers usually understand death in much the same ways that adults do, but they often process it very differently. They may hide their feelings or express them through risky or rebellious behavior, such as acting out, using alcohol, driving recklessly, or withdrawing from family and friends.

Some teens may experience overwhelming emotions and even have thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Warning signs may include constant talk about death, giving away belongings, or sudden changes in behavior. Parents and caregivers should stay observant and compassionate. Encourage open conversations, and if there are any concerns that a teen might be in danger, seek professional counseling or support right away.



Remind them that they are not alone, that grief is not something they have to face by themselves.